Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.

In feature films the director is God; in documentary films God is the director.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Tis better to have loved and lost. Than never to have loved at all.

Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity then they really are.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.